Fair Warning & Intro

Giving you a warning that I'm going to post what I want. This is one of my methods of release to some of the crazy in my head. Writing it helps me figure stuff out. If you don't like it, that's your prerogative. My mom raised me to believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I still hold that strongly. That includes me, even if you don't agree with my opinion. I'm very tolerant and open-minded. I expect the same respect.

 I was given the idea to start a blog last October or November. I kind of wanted to get my thoughts out there, my writings out there, but was a little afraid of retaliation of the people close to me. I have issues with people leaving me and I try to avoid it when I can. Sometimes that means not saying things when I think others won't like it. I'm starting to not care anymore, wanting a release of what's been trapped inside for far too long. After reading a blog by a person I've known for over 15 years and seeing how blatantly honest she is, I knew I could do it, too.

I've been in church since I was a day old, literally. Though I've been involved in different groups in church, mainly when I was a teen, I still feel like I've been going at it alone. I've never really had a spiritual mentor or anyone to lead me into what I should or shouldn't do. I've since felt pretty detached from God or anything spiritual.

My family life is pretty normal, unfortunately. My father left when I was a year and a half old. I had started talking at 5 months old, but stopped when he left. I didn't speak again until after I turned 5. I have three older brothers, all of which are close in age to me. Until the summer when I was 9, we lived close to our extended family and always had someone to play with and had huge birthday parties. There's nearly 25 cousins just in my generation, so a lot of family. My mother, three brothers and I moved halfway across the country. There is some good that came out of it, even though I didn't really like it there. I met one of my best friends ever there.

There's plenty of crazy in my head that I never let out. A lot I've never told anyone. There's a few things I've only told one or two people, and that was only really recently. Parts of my life I've let be an open book. I've been abused by a family member for years. I feel it's affected my whole life since.

I met some amazing women last fall. I had just started going to GracePointe church just a week before they announced a women's Bible study that was starting. There were three nights available: Tues, Wed or Thurs. Though I don't usually join things like that when I don't know anyone, I know I needed to go. I needed to be involved somehow. I picked Wednesday, because that was the only night I was consistently off work. Because of picking that study, I've met a couple ladies who have become very important to me. They've been there for me and helping me when I've had some bad nights.

Guess that's enough for now, I'll probably update more later. I'm hoping to post some of my poetry on here tomorrow.